Dawn Dais. The Sh!t No One Tells You: A Guide to Surviving Your Baby's First Year

Best-selling humor author Dawn Dais, mother to a one-year-old and author of The Sh!t No One Tells You About Toddlers, is convinced that there is a reason for this lack of preparedness. She believes that a vast conspiracy exists to hide the horrific truth about parenting from doe-eyed expectant mothers who might otherwise abandon their babies in hospitals and run for it. In The Sh!t No One Tells You, Dais tells it like it is, revealing what it’s really like to be a new parent and providing helpful insights, humor, and hope for those who feel overwhelmed by the exhausting trials they’re suddenly facing. Eschewing the adorableness that oozes out of other parenting books, Dais offers real advice from real moms — along with hilarious anecdotes, clever tips, and the genuine encouragement every mom needs in order to survive the first year of parenthood.My Moms on the Front Lines.
And You Thought Pregnancy Was Hard.
Please Censor Your Birth Story.
Raid the Hospital.
Breastfeeding Is Really F’n Hard.
They Will Let You Take a Baby Home!
So Many Tears.
Your Newborn Is Not Cute.
It May Not Be Love at First Sight.
No One Is Loving This as Much as Their Facebook Posts. Would Have You Believe.
You Just Pooped Out a Baby ( Your Body Post-Baby).
Your Life Is Officially Over.
Poop, Puke, and Pee.
Children’s Books Are Ridiculous.
You Are a Horrible Mother Whether or Not You Vaccinate.
Having Pets Did Not Prepare You for This.
Who Needs a Health Plan When You Have the Internet?
You’ll Never Sleep Again.
Your House Is Way Too Small.
Babies Don’t Like Bragging.
You Can’t Afford This.
Teeth Are the Devil.
You’ll Be Blamed in Therapy Someday.
You Can’t Have It All.
A Dysfunctional Relationship.
Remember Your Memory?
Your Body Is Ruined.
You’ll Probably Want a Divorce.
It Does Not Go By “Soooo Fast”.
Epilogue.